IN today’s fast-paced, competitive world, self-esteem and resilience are among the most important qualities a child can possess.
A child who believes in their abilities is more likely to face challenges head-on, recover from setbacks and navigate life with confidence.
But how can parents, educators and caregivers nurture these vital traits? Experts emphasize that self-esteem isn’t built through constant praise or shielding children from failure, but through encouraging meaningful experiences and opportunities to grow.
Dr. Carl Rogers, a pioneer in psychology, famously stated, “The curious paradox is that when I accept myself just as I am, then I can change.”
This highlights the power of accepting children for who they are while helping them grow and adapt.
Here’s how we can support children in building self-esteem and resilience: Celebrate achievements—big and small: Recognizing a child’s accomplishments, no matter how small, reinforces their sense of competence and self-worth. These milestones, whether it’s completing a school project or admitting a mistake, should be acknowledged. Dr. Carol Dweck, author of Mindset: The New Psychology of Success, argues that praising effort over ability helps children develop a growth mindset. Children praised for hard work, rather than being labelled “smart,” are more likely to take on challenges and persist through difficulties. Tip: Instead of saying, “You’re so talented!” try, “I saw how much effort you put into this, and it paid off.” This encourages resilience and a love for learning.
Show respect for their feelings and decisions: Just like adults, children deserve respect in how we communicate with them. When children feel their thoughts and emotions are valued, they develop a stronger sense of self-respect and confidence. Addressing issues privately, listening before reacting and respecting their choices, even in small matters like what to wear, fosters autonomy and a sense of dignity. Clinical psychologist Dr. Ross Greene wisely noted, “Kids do well if they can. If they aren’t, we need to figure out what’s getting in the way.” Understanding a child’s struggles instead of dismissing them leads to better outcomes. Tip: When a child expresses frustration or disagreement, respond with, “I understand how you feel. Let’s talk about it.” This validates their emotions while teaching them to handle disagreements constructively.
Encourage their opinions and independent thinking: Children who have the opportunity to express their opinions and engage in discussions develop stronger critical thinking and decision-making skills. Families that encourage open discussions foster children who are more resilient and better able to handle criticism. Research by Baumrind (1991) suggests that open dialogue enhances children’s ability to think independently and make thoughtful decisions. Tip: When your child shares an opinion, ask, “What makes you think that? Tell me more.” Encouraging dialogue not only validates their thoughts but also strengthens their decision-making abilities.
Teach the balance between self-care and consideration for others: Many children struggle to balance their own needs with the needs of others. While some children may neglect their own needs to put others first (which can harm self-esteem), others may become overly self-centred. The key is teaching them to balance both. Encouraging healthy boundaries, where children learn to stand up for themselves and the importance of self-care before helping others, is essential. A study published in Child Development (Neff & McGehee, 2010) found that children who practice self-compassion and understand their worth tend to have higher emotional well-being and resilience. Tip: Remind children that helping others is important, but so is taking care of themselves. Just like the airline safety instructions say, “Put on your oxygen mask first,” children need to understand that self-care allows them to support others better.
Provide opportunities for growth and exploration: Children develop confidence when given the opportunity to try new experiences and hone their skills. Extracurricular activities such as sports, music lessons or community workshops are valuable, but even affordable experiences, such as visiting public parks or engaging in storytelling, can help children grow. Encourage your child to explore new hobbies, engage in different activities or learn a new skill. These experiences help them discover their strengths and build confidence in their abilities. Tip: Challenge your child to try something new each month. Whether it’s a sport, a hobby or an educational activity, exploration fosters resilience.
Conclusion: Building self-esteem and resilience in children is an ongoing process that requires patience, respect and intentional guidance. By celebrating achievements, respecting their emotions, encouraging independent thinking, teaching the importance of self-care and providing opportunities for growth, we can help children face life’s challenges with confidence. As Dr. Maria Montessori wisely said, “The greatest gifts we can give our children are the roots of responsibility and the wings of independence.” When children feel valued, respected and capable, they develop the inner strength needed to thrive. By fostering these qualities today, we are not only raising confident, capable and emotionally strong individuals but also empowering them to navigate the world with courage and self-belief. Through these intentional efforts, parents and educators can equip children with the tools they need to succeed—not just in school, but in life itself.
—The writer is contributing columnist.
