Dr M Ahmed Abdullah
A family I had been working with on various levels of community service, and with the sole intention of helping people, acted very obnoxiously towards me recently. I had known these people for almost a decade, shared meals with them, helped them out emotionally, financially and logistically for many years.
Yet when a very sick person from the family passed away as a consequence of the complications of his long standing diseases, they chose to blame me and my colleagues for the death. They hurled abuses, curses and wished death and ill fate upon us. This situation was in poor taste, yet eye-opening. It made me think, read and search for answers. It made me remember the great teachers of the past, and gave me an opportunity to take a quick dive into the ocean of knowledge that we tend to ignore all the time, despite the fact that we continue to row our boat in it.
The first person that came to my mind was Hazrat Ali (RA) who told us to be careful of the people we are kind to. It also made me question my own intentions when I make a decision to help someone out. The Philosopher King, Marcus Aurelius has discussed this idea in his personal journal; which has been published as Meditations:
“What else did you expect from helping someone out? Isn’t it enough that you have done what your nature demands? You want a salary for it too? As if your eyes expected a reward for seeing, and your feet for walking, that is what they are made for.” My first reaction according to the instincts of my reptilian brain was that I decided not to help anyone out in the future.
The tit for tat theory from human behavioral biology kicked in and made me generalize my bitterness towards all potential individuals who might be in need of help in the future. Understanding one’s true purpose in life, realizing one’s position in the larger scheme of things and being realistic about one’s efforts, wishes and ambitions are all integral part of a balanced life. I have intentionally missed the word successful because the parameters of success are subjective and variable. A balanced life, on the other hand is easier to achieve, once we have identified our individual strengths and limitations.
Grief is one of the strongest emotions, and we as doctors, deal with it on a daily basis. Breaking bad news is a constant and inevitable part of every health care provider’s life. It is imperative that we understand it on a more realistic scale and identify its stages of shock, denial, aggression and acceptance.
In the end my questions were answered in their entirety by the Holy Quran: “Those who spend their substance in the cause of Allah, and do not follow up their gifts with reminders of their generosity or with injury, for them their reward is with their Lord; on them shall be no fear, nor shall they grieve. Kind words and the covering of faults are better than charity followed by injury. Allah is free of all wants and needs and he is most fore bearing.”
—The writer is Assistant Professor Public Health, Islamabad Medical and Dental College.
