Ninety per cent and me..!


THIS morning’s paper had me dumbfounded; most students who had passed their exams had scored over ninety percent. I called home immediately: “Lock my cupboard and hide the keys!” “Why?” asked the wife, “something you want to hide from me?” “Just lock it!”

She didn’t. The cupboard was open and everything was on the floor. “Mummy’s looking through every paper on every shelf!” the children screamed as I entered. “No!” I cried as I rushed in.

“Haven’t found anything!” sighed the wife, looking rather disappointed. “Thank god!” I said as I took a file from the floor and put it back. “What’s that?” “What’s what?” “That file?” “Didn’t you check it?” “I did but why the hurry in putting it back? Is there something you don’t want me to see?” “Have I hidden anything from you?” The wife thought for a moment, “Yes!” she said, “Remember your baby milk bottle your mama sent over after our marriage?” “Ssshhhh!” I said looking at the kids. “And that snap in your wallet?” “That was a pen-pal!” I said, “and I thought you’d forgotten about her?”

“We women never forget! We’ve got to be on guard all the time, looking after our turf! Now what’s in that file you just hid?” “I didn’t hide it.” I said defensively. “Tell us daddy, tell us!” said both the children, trying to grab the file. “Don’t!” I yelled.

“Screaming at the poor children? Is it so important?” “I didn’t scream!” “Please dad, show us your secret!” “Come on, we’re family! Show us what you’re hiding?” said the wife dangerously. “Got it ma!” shouted the kids as they grabbed the file and ran out. “Give it back!” I whispered, and then there was silence in the next room.

The kids came back, not looking at me. “What is it, children?” “Daddy’s mark sheet!” “Ma tell us it’s not true!” wailed the elder. “What isn’t true?” asked the wife. “That our brains aren’t from his side of the family. Look how much dad got in high school!” My wife looked at my old mark sheet then got up quickly. “Where are you going?” I asked, concerned. “To lock my cupboard..!” she muttered as she slammed her door shut and quickly turned the key.