WHAT part of the car causes the most accidents? Ans: The nut that holds the wheel! Opened the newspaper this morning and found a whole supplement devoted to cars so I said, well if you can’t beat them, join them and decided to devote today’s column to car fun!
When a family buys a new car, the father’s question is, “How many miles to a gallon?” The mother asks, “What colour is the upholstery?” The daughter walks over and asks, “How good is the mirror?” And the son asks excitedly, “How fast will she go?” Whilst all this goes on the neighbour wonders, “Where the blazes did they get the money?”
Overheard, this conversation between two friends, one of whom is newly married: “So your husband refused to buy you a car?” “He didn’t exactly refuse,” says the newly married bride, “he said, he thought I ought to become more familiar with machinery in general so he bought a washing machine to start off with!”
Driving instructors are the most revered on the road. Ladies and young girls wave to him as they pass him by in their cars, and as he struggles with a new student.
He’s the one who’s set them free to fly all over and not be chained to the house till the husband comes home.
But let me tell you they have tremendous patience as this little piece of conversation shows: “Now madam this is the gear lever; down there is the clutch on the left; next to it, in the middle is the brake and next to that on the right is the accelerator.”
“Can you teach me one thing at a time,” says the impatient housewife, “teach me to drive first and then I’ll learn the rest!” A little later he spots an old student driving her husband’s ancient jalopy.
He stops by to say hello and glances at her dashboard, “What’s happened to your speedometer?” he asks.
“I didn’t need it,” she says, “so I took it off and sold it!”
“Didn’t need it?” shouts the instructor to his former student, “How do you manage without it?” “It’s easy, “ says she looking at the battered junk, “at 20kmph, the exhaust rattles, at thirty the door rattles and at forty I rattle..!”
And in case all these jokes about cars have been a little monotonous and boring, here’s one that took place in a bus I was travelling many years ago in Margao, Goa. The bus had come to a stop and a woman was getting on board, taking quite some time to do so.
The driver started his engine and the lady shouted, “Can’t you wait until I get my clothes on?” Every head in the bus including mine turned around to watch a dhobi woman climbing aboard with her basketful of laundry..!