THE wife was in the bathroom staring at nothing in particular. The look troubled me; it meant trouble! I wondered whether some hair dye had spilt in the sink or the mirror had cracked under the strain of me staring at it.
“I don’t think we need this bathtub!” she said finally. “Well it’s a good place to have a bath in!” I said lamely. “When did you last use it?” “Why, this morning?” I said happily. “I mean use it as a bathtub, not for your shower?”
I knew where the argument was going. I’d installed it in my bathroom, dreaming of reading a book while my poor tired body soaked in the bubbles and a glass of whiskey lay just outside.
I’d dreamt of a getting out, totally refreshed into my bathrobe, till during the first attempt at living my dream my book fell into the tub, the whiskey, good scotch got kicked by my clumsy feet and I had got out, slipped while trying to wear the bathrobe, crawled to the door, and swore never to have bathtub dreams again. “Yeah!” I said, “Haven’t really been using the tub as a tub.
“So let’s make two bathrooms!” said the eager wife, “Our neighbour downstairs has done that, why don’t you have a look!” “But why do we need two bathrooms?” I asked.
“Always useful in an emergency!” said the doctor wife knowingly, “Especially as you grow older!”
I knocked at my neighbour’s flat and asked to see his bathroom, “But you stay upstairs don’t you?” he asked looking puzzled. “Yes!” I said. “Then why don’t you use your own bathroom?”
I explained why I wanted to see his bathroom, and his face lit up, “Come!” he said, “It’s the bathroom of the century, actually two bathrooms of the century, which do you want to see first?” “It’s okay!” I said, “I have plenty of time!” “This,” said my neighbour with a flourish, “Is what we need for our age!” I looked at fully tiled walls with a washbasin carved into same wall, and a mirror stuck in! I saw the fancy commode but wondered where the shower was. “You’re looking for the shower aren’t you?” asked my kind neighbour.
“Yes!” I said, “Unless it’s in the other bathroom?” “It’s right above your head!” said my neighbour with a proud smile, “Sit n’ shower!” is what I call it!” “Sure,” I said, wondering whether I’d heard the word sit pronounced correctly.
The wife opened the door as I climbed to my flat, “Where are you going?” she asked. “To my bathtub!” I said, “Where I can sit, and stand and lie down, and enjoy my bath..!”
