The oppressed souls might become a hot topic of gossip when they step out of their ‘home sanctuaries’. If one asks people in the outer world, they would definitely get the reply that all those women are ‘career-oriented females’. To some extent, they are right, because being a ‘soul’ means having the right to pursue one’s interests. But the reality is that the majority of ‘X’ chromosomes are forced to step out to supplement family income—for providing good education, meeting life’s necessities and, in short, ensuring a better standard of living.
I know many who have built their lives around their children ——-like many couples. Their household gets decidedly more hectic. They work as family’s breadwinner, operate machinery and earns roughly. Some unaccompanied work to feeds the family, takes children to school and also into multiple part time jobs, 6:00 pm to midnight shift.
We were born in that society where men worked and women stayed home. But the fact is one can’t make enough to support a family. The economy has stripped you of that. So the wife has to accept and step out to work and that does better. To re-adjust their expectations, many have been forced to do so. I admit that sometimes, for some, it’s resented because they feel they did not make so much. But they would have to work to give a better life to their children.
This exotic, the earner wife, has now become common. Women earn half or more of the income in dual earner homes. There is a sea change in a society, turning traditional family frame, especially middle class, upside down. Today ‘money is an issue’ parents rethink the ways, they make decisions, chalked out plans to take care of their children in better way.
Some couples sometimes feel disappointed or humiliated, because they are not living their lives as they expected. Some other feels they are being locked in supporting families, sharing responsibilities and rewards. No road maps left in this day to day adjustments, large or small. Some women work full time and some part time for comfortable living. According to some women if they could afford they would prefer to stay at home. They out earn their husbands in making ends meet.
Due to changing economic circumstances, today’s women have to step out and get into employment to sustain a better living. Especially in middle-class families, couples do what they can to put food on the table. A number of men are out-earned by their wives, who have jobs as nurses, teachers, doctors, engineers and so on, because none of us could pay their bills on one salary. Now more and more women are earning than they did in the past. Women have a tough time in finding that kind of secure positions which would enable them to support their families.
Today’s wives outlearn their husbands because of which there’s a higher incidences of divorce. And found that the likelihood of divorce doubled when earned half or more of the family income. The ideal of the male as ‘provider’s still powerful, exerting a stubborn influence. Women, who sometimes champion equality sometimes, feel conflicted about assuming the role of bread-winner.
Circumstances make all the difference. A husband who sometimes fosters his wife’s career because she has a better salary and benefits is likely to fare better than one who does not. Even sometimes, a man rarely contributes his share at home when she earns more—another major source of tension. It is also the responsibility of working women to take care of their families. Women do even more housework. So, to defuse tensions, they out-earn their husbands and make money, which is truly very hard for females, especially. Sometimes, they are very disappointed. But I feel that they have to be courageous because the more they make, the better off they are.
A higher proportion of anxiety, depression, phobias and other psychological problems are found in females as compared to males because of multidimensional roles, hormonal profiles and circumstantial and social problems. The burden of responsibilities on ‘effeminate shoulders’ further multiplies these problems. If we look at our social set-up, one cannot change the nature of a ‘stiff-necked male’. If one wants to minimize the distance and change the ‘dominant image’, the mother plays an important role in grooming her male offspring and training them to contribute to the family. Problems in our society have also been created by females themselves, who brought up male children who later assume the role of ‘dominant Y chromosomes’.
A woman also needs to look at a person’s non-material contribution. She seeks a partner who is a big helper in running the home. Though in our social set-up this may sound impossible, couples have to act as a team, with no point of competition. What matters is a caring and loving atmosphere for the family. Finally, one should never behave like a ‘rival breadwinner’. Couples must not keep score; they need to share each other’s successes and failures. If ‘SHE’ makes her mark in the world, ‘HE’ should be proud of her because she has achieved their expectations.
—The writer is contributing columnist.
