They’ve not left you . . !


THIS morning the first piece of news was from a classmate telling me, “He’s gone Bob!” “Who?” I asked. “My brother!” she said, “I’m now on a plane, on the way to attend his funeral!” How terrible is the finality of death especially when it’s a member of your family you were close to!

But, today I shall not try to philosophize about death, but make an attempt to give words of comfort to those who have wept over the body of a loved one, because what moves into us is a silence, a quiet sadness, a longing for one more day, one more word, one more touch.We may not understand why that loved one left this earth so soon, or why he or she left before we were ready to say good-bye, but little by little, we begin to remember not just that they died, but that they lived. Yes, they lived! And that their life gives us memories too beautiful to forget. It will be in the little things that you remember, the quiet moments, the smiles, the laughter.

Yes, dear friend, even as you stare out of the window missing the presence of your loved one, remember incidents where you both shared moments of sheer joy. And as you live those moments again, those emotions which you had back then will come back and the painfulness of death will lessen with the joy of when he or she lived.

My younger daughter, many years ago, had been very close to our German-Shepherd, and when it died of cancer, I still remember her, hugging the lifeless form, and weeping, “How can I live without her dad?”

That evening I went to the room, where she was still sobbing, “Remember when she was a pup?” I asked, “How she fell into her milk bowl?” “And do you remember dad, when you gave her, her first car ride?” Suddenly the room was filled with barks and growls and yelps and our laughter: Our dead friend had come alive again.

I know it’s far, far more difficult with a loved one, your child, your parent, your brother, a friend. But start remembering those happy moments you shared with them, “D’ you remember when dad and mom decided to sing a duet at the society competition? When dad went off key?” It will be the memories of these little things that will help push away the pain and bring the smiles back again! Suddenly, you’ll feel that person who’s left you, hasn’t..!