The Spirit Of Islam
Maintaining the bonds of kinship indeed enjoys extraordinary importance in Islam. Conversely, severing the ties is very high on the list of enormities. At two places in the Qur’an, Allah has cursed the one severing family ties. “And those who break the covenant of Allah, after its ratification, and sever that which Allah has commanded to be joined (i.e. they sever bond of kinship and are not good to their relatives) and work mischief in land, on them is the curse, and for them is the unhappy home (i.e. Hell)” [Ar-Rad 13:25. See also Muhammad, 47:22-23].
A cursed person is one who is deprived of the mercy of Allah. It is an indication of this deprivation that this sin is punished in this world as well as in the Hereafter. “There is no sin more deserving of having punishment meted out by Allah to its perpetrator in advance in this world along with what He stores up for him in the next world than oppression and severing ties of family.” [Tirmidhi]. Another hadith highlights the high stakes involved here in a compelling way: “Rahim (family ties) is a word derived from Ar-Rahman (The Compassionate One) And Allah says: ‘I shall keep connection with him who maintains you and sever connection with him who severs you.’” [Bukhari]
Silah-i-Rahmi has been defined as politeness, kind treatment, and concern for all one’s relatives even if distantly related, corrupt, non-Muslim, or unappreciative. While nearly every religion has emphasised good family relations, Islam has taken it to unprecedented heights. It is a duty to be discharged without an eye for reciprocity. A Muslim is required to be kind even to his non-Muslim relatives. Similarly he is required to be kind to even those relatives who are harsh to him.
The most telling example in this regard is that of Sayyidna Abu Bakr (RA). Among the many people who benefited from his generosity was a relative Mistah (RA). The latter, unfortunately became involved in the scandal about the Mother of Believers, Sayyida Aisha (RA), which was started by the leader of the hypocrites. It was a whole month of torment and torture for all involved, after which verses of Surah Noor were revealed exonerating her and prescribing punishment for those involved in the false accusation. Feeling hurt and betrayed, Sayyidna Abu Bakr (RA), vowed never to help Mistah again. Yet the Qur’an asked him to forget and forgive and continue helping his relative, which he did. Is there another society that can even come close to this standard in maintaining family ties?
Islam came to set all our relationships right. This includes our relations with Allah as well as with other human beings. Silah-i-Rahmi is a very important part of the latter. Today, unfortunately, these teachings can mostly be found in Muslim societies in their violation. The best we do today is reciprocate; more commonly we backbite, cheat, and hurt our relatives and continue the spiral of hurt and humiliation as they respond. And we just abandon those of our relatives who are economically unfortunate.
There are three reasons for this sad situation. First is the widespread ignorance about Islamic teachings in this regard. Even in various Islamic groups subject hardly gets the attention it deserves. Second is the rampant materialism. While materialism hurts all aspects of our life, it is especially damaging to family ties for they require sacrifice of time, money and personal comfort. The third reason has to do with recent history. It is a “gift” of the transformation of Muslim societies under colonialism.
Under the influence of colonialism, urban centres throughout the Muslim world faithfully duplicated all of these problems. This was just what a blind following of the West promised. Relations between husband and wife, between parents and children, between workers and managers, between neighbours, between relatives, in other words between all segments of society were dealt a devastating blow.
— Courtesy: Albalagh.com