Preventing water wars..!

THE next world war I hear will be about water! But it looks like small wars have already begun: In Latur, police had been deployed to guard water tanks fearing riots over water distribution in the city. Rumour has it that multi- national companies may soon issue a circular which may go something like this.
Dear Staff: In line with government thinking not to waste water, our HRD department has come up with these guidelines which are going to be implemented fully.
1. Employees will be rewarded for saving water in their homes! Do not have baths and come to work. Anyone who looks too fresh, hair glistening, fingernails cleaned, smelling of soap or shampoo will be penalised immediately by stopping his or hers next increment. The smellier you are, the faster you rise in the company!
2. Since shaving uses a lot of water, men are encouraged to start growing beards. We assure all their wives that this is just a temporary measure and if in the process they begin to look like terrorists and are shot dead, their wives can rejoice as there is one less family member using the family’s precious water reserves! Any such violent episodes could go a long way in augmenting the city’s water reserves.
3. We have opened a bar in the company’s premises and employees are encouraged to stop by and have a swig of the frothy whenever they feel thirsty.
No water will be served or added. Other drinks are also available, but will be served neat. If in the process of quenching your thirst, you pass out, there is no need for panic as that simply translates into one less person needing our precious water.
4. To help employees forget about water, the very word will be expunged from all future dialogue or correspondence: Words like watered down, waterfall, watertight, watery, even the word ‘what’ will not be used on these premises.
A simple lifting of the eyebrows may be used to ask a question. In case of difficulty in following this simple practise the HRD department head will show you how it’s done.
5. Please understand that the noise you hear now, is not the breaking down of the toilets, but the removing of taps and flushing systems. Members are advised not to use toilets till the water crisis is over. They need not worry as the government is soon announcing a ‘defecate in the open’ policy!
This circular, is being issued for your well-being, to prevent water wars. The chairman, wishes you all the best in its implementation as he holidays along with most government heads and ministers near the Niagara Falls, where they spend hours bathing and listening to the sound of that precious word we can’t utter..!
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