Our methodology..!

REACTING to the shocking disclosure by the UN that there have been four hundred thousand AIDS deaths a few years ago, the then director general NACO said that the UN’s methodology in arriving at such a high figure needs to be studied..!
“Of course it will have to be studied! Not just studied but ridiculed and laughed at,” said an administrator from the government statistics department, “when dealing with our country’s problem, use our methodology. Simple! And what is our methodology? Simple! Just divide whatever figure you get by ten! So in real fact only forty thousand people died of AIDS! If forty thousand sounds high, then zimbly divide it by another ten! Zimple!”
“This is western culture being imposed on us!” shouted a member from the opposition party, “all they talk about is sex! Why speak about things that are taboo in this country? The UN people do not understand our country at all! They do not know such things are not discussed here! We are pure in our thinking! Traditional in our culture!
Oh yes we are willing to talk about typhoid! About Hepatitis B! About cholera! Malnutrition! Jaundice! But please do not impose perverted diseases on us! So what if four lakh die, or ten lakhs or ten million? In India we do not talk sex!”
“What does NACO mean?” asked a state minister of health, “It means National AIDS Control Organization! Which is the key word? Tell me which is the key word? Yes you in the last row! NO the key word is not AIDS. The key word is control! Now if the ministry of health has given Sujathaji total control it also means she is in control of the figures. She is the one who should give us the number of deaths, not the UN. If she says only two deaths took place last year and not four hundred thousand, then we believe her. Correct? Because she is in control! “
“But sir?” asked a journalist, “doesn’t the UN have a right to ask questions?” “Just as much right as you have to question me! Security throw this man out and see that his newspaper isn’t given any government ads!” “Our methodology is indeed different,” said a doctor in a city government hospital as he dealt with patients suffering from the dreaded disease. A man was brought in on a stretcher. “He’s dead!” said the doctor. “AIDS?” asked the young resident filling the cause of death. “Tuberculosis!” said the doctor. Another dying man was brought in. “AIDS?” asked the resident again. “Yes, “ said the doctor, “But when he dies write viral pneumonia!” “And this woman?”
“Is she dying?” “Yes doctor!” “Fill in meningitis!” The doctor rolled up his sleeves at the end of the session and dialed a number, “no madam nobody died of AIDS today..!” Indian methodology is indeed different..!
—Email: bobsbanter@gmail.com

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