Guidelines for fliers..!

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WITH airline passenger, Dr David Dao, being dragged out of an aircraft and severely beaten up by the crew of United, an American airline, the World Fliers Association realizing that the safety of passengers is at stake has issued a set of guidelines that they hope will help see others do not get the same unfortunate treatment the poor doctor was subjected to.
Guideline One: While shopping in duty free, before entering the aircraft, pick up a small gift for the crew. Find out how many crew members there are and include the captain and co-pilot too, as surly pilots have been known to give their passengers bumpy rides and frightful landings. Guideline Two: Do not carry any hand baggage onto the aircraft. Baggage of any kind irritates the crew, and immediately puts them in a bad mood, even before takeoff.
Guideline Three: When the food trolley goes by, politely decline to ask for anything, as that extra effort to serve you could cause them to get unnecessarily unnerved. Hunger pangs while flying, are still better than being thrown off a flying aircraft. Guideline Four: Do not stare at the pretty airhostesses while they are explaining safety precautions, as they are highly tense at this juncture, instead on behalf of fellow passengers insist they do not need to go through it, and that you and all the passengers would rather die than put them through this unnecessary hassle.
Guideline Five: Do not use the aircraft bathrooms. It is not just about using the bathrooms, it is the inconvenience the poor crew face while you walk down the aisle, accidentally brushing past them, unnecessarily having them make eye contact with you, and then not giving them the opportunity of using same rest room, whenever they need a smoke, which could be any time in the flight. If you have to go, do so before the flight, otherwise use yoga or meditation to control bladder and bowels. Our next issue will give you some excellent exercises that you can practice doing at home, before any flight.
Guideline Six: Smile! Yes, your smile could be the key towards successfully reaching your destination: Smile when the aircraft goes through turbulence, smile if she drops hot tea on you while serving your neighbor, smile when they announce that non-vegetarian food is over, smile when the crew make jokes about your hair or size. That smile could just be your ticket to safety. We ask each flier to study these guidelines, but we are also enclosing a detailed brochure with details of ships that have started plying to the same places you fly to.
These ocean liners may be slower, but you can rest assured you will not be manhandled, will reach your destination in one piece, and your peace of mind will be looked after, not just that of airline and crew..!
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