Classes for student agitators..!
“Good morning!” said Nitin as he put out his fat hand then suddenly ducked behind the owner of the coaching class till a policeman who was on a bicycle cycled past. “Nitinji is wanted by the police,” said the coaching class owner. “For what?”
I asked surprised. “For assaulting a policeman!” said the owner of the classes, “we thought he would be the right person on how to hit policemen where it hurts! He will teach the students the art of throwing stones.” “Is it an art?” I asked, “or an offence?”
“Aha!” said the owner, “that is where Nitinji comes in. He shows students how to throw the stone only when a policeman raises his lathi and a camera man is taking a shot, that way the public will think it is retaliation against police brutality!” “Interesting!” I said. “And who is this?” I asked looking at a woman who had just come by with torn clothes on, “Looks like she’s been through a scuffle.” “This is Madam Mamata! She is being kept for the women students only.” “What does she teach?” “How to rip your blouse and tear your clothes when being led to the police station!”
“Is that also an art?” “Try doing it within fifteen seconds,” said the coaching class owner, “ She teaches you where the seam is, and what hand movement to use so even if being held by a policeman you can tear your garment fast!”
“Why would anyone ever want to do that?” I asked perplexed. “How else can you accuse the cops of molestation? Of rape?” “I can even show you how to inflict nail and bite injuries on yourself!” said Madam Mamata proudly coming towards me. “I’m sure you can,” I said as I moved away from her. “Are there other instructors?”
“Of course! It’s a very professional course,” said the owner, “we have tutors who teach students what to wear during a strike; wear a lab coat if you are a doctor and you will get immediate public sympathy, then there are make up artists who tell you how to put instant make up before the cameras click you. We also have …”
“One minute,” I interrupted, “don’t you have teachers who advice them on what issues to agitate and when not to?” “Thankfully there’s no need for that,” said the owner of the coaching classes, “with these state governments in power, every issue is a cause to agitate..!”