Simply don’t fly..!
Views From Abroad
Robert Clements
Monday, June 14, 2010 - I wonder what’s happening; there’s not a day gone by without reports of plane crashes, near misses, wheels falling off, aircraft plummeting, and runway lights shutting off! Somebody tell me what’s happening? “Nothing sir, nothing, you don’t have to worry you’re safe and sound!” “You’re sure?” “Of course!”
“And what’s this you’re asking me to fill?” “An insurance form; for the price of one more air ticket, your kith and kin will receive ten times the cost of the plane ticket once it crashes! Imagine sir, the odds are better than buying a lottery ticket! Just think how they will thank you once you are gone! Sir, sir…”And as I near the airport, I see dozens of men and even women in black coats.
“Who are they?” I ask an attendant. “Lawyers!” “Are they going for some conference?” “Do they look like they are traveling?”
“No,” I admit sheepishly, “They look like they are hanging around for business! Hey what are you guys doing here?” “Have you made your will sir? If you haven’t I’ll do it for a hundred rupees!” “I charge only fifty sir!” “I’ll do it free if you leave me a thousand rupees in your will sir!”
“I don’t want a will!” “Then sign this, it says that the window next to seat number 26 is broken!” “But I have not got into the aircraft yet!” I shout, “How would I know if it is broken or not?” “It is!”
“It is?” “It is sir, so if you sign it, we will say that the aircraft flew with a broken window and your kin will get double!” “Why don’t you get the window repaired?” I whisper. “What and lose our fees? You must be joking!” I walk to the aircraft, up the ramp and a pretty airhostess greets me and looks at my ticket, “Take the aisle seat sir, it’s better than the window seat! There you won’t be able to look out and see the engine’s caught fire. The last two passengers fainted, even before the crash!”
“Ladies and gentlemen, “says the pilot, “This is to announce the air-conditioning isn’t working. You may open your windows once we take off, please see you have fastened your seat belt so you won’t be sucked out!” “Let me out!” I shout, “let me out of here! I’ll take a train!” “Ha, ha, ha!” laugh the Maoists as I hear the home minister in his new sad looking avatar address the nation and say, “I think it is time India stayed at home..!”—Email: bobsbanter@gmail.com
“And what’s this you’re asking me to fill?” “An insurance form; for the price of one more air ticket, your kith and kin will receive ten times the cost of the plane ticket once it crashes! Imagine sir, the odds are better than buying a lottery ticket! Just think how they will thank you once you are gone! Sir, sir…”And as I near the airport, I see dozens of men and even women in black coats.
“Who are they?” I ask an attendant. “Lawyers!” “Are they going for some conference?” “Do they look like they are traveling?”
“No,” I admit sheepishly, “They look like they are hanging around for business! Hey what are you guys doing here?” “Have you made your will sir? If you haven’t I’ll do it for a hundred rupees!” “I charge only fifty sir!” “I’ll do it free if you leave me a thousand rupees in your will sir!”
“I don’t want a will!” “Then sign this, it says that the window next to seat number 26 is broken!” “But I have not got into the aircraft yet!” I shout, “How would I know if it is broken or not?” “It is!”
“It is?” “It is sir, so if you sign it, we will say that the aircraft flew with a broken window and your kin will get double!” “Why don’t you get the window repaired?” I whisper. “What and lose our fees? You must be joking!” I walk to the aircraft, up the ramp and a pretty airhostess greets me and looks at my ticket, “Take the aisle seat sir, it’s better than the window seat! There you won’t be able to look out and see the engine’s caught fire. The last two passengers fainted, even before the crash!”
“Ladies and gentlemen, “says the pilot, “This is to announce the air-conditioning isn’t working. You may open your windows once we take off, please see you have fastened your seat belt so you won’t be sucked out!” “Let me out!” I shout, “let me out of here! I’ll take a train!” “Ha, ha, ha!” laugh the Maoists as I hear the home minister in his new sad looking avatar address the nation and say, “I think it is time India stayed at home..!”—Email: bobsbanter@gmail.com
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