Man’s new lover..!
Views From Abroad
Robert Clements
Wednesday, April 14, 2010 - The fat man sitting in front of me, glanced at the cell phone on my desk, gently picked it up and lovingly stroked and nuzzled it, “What are you doing?” I asked in horror. “Admiring your phone, she’s a beauty!” “You’re treating it like it’s alive!” I said. “She’s alive and throbbing with passion!” said the man as I grabbed the phone from him and shoed him out of my office.
More and more am I seeing such behaviour, phones becoming man’s passion, sometimes taking the place of a lover as she quietly and reassuringly nestles in palms, nuzzles clandestinely in pockets or comfortingly caresses the ear, giving the bearer a wonderful sense of security, belonging and love! “I am confident my cellmate will never ever leave me and run off with another man,” cried a dumped dude as he glanced adoringly at his sleek and curvy mobile which dressed in a passionate red stared seductively back at him.
“I know that I need never feel shy again,” SMS’d a computer programmer to me as he lovingly peered at his phone. “It used to be terrible before, when I left the sanctuary of my computer kingdom and ventured into the cruel talking, jabbering, babbling world of articulate human beings outside, but now with my darling constantly by my side, I can continue to chat and message and communicate with everyone without uttering a word!”
The middle-aged businessman in the hospital was even more expressive and articulate in his feelings. “What pleasure it was holding my little friend and driving. Very possessive she is! Not allowing me to look for pothole, no honking at pedestrians, no stopping for red lights, arrey what relief not to concentrate on stupid driver in front or rascal behind. Driving with my lover, what pleasure man, really such pleasure, and the miles just go by. Even now in hospital, she is near me all the time. Only thing, with eye bandages I cannot see her but I can hear her mischievous beep. Doctor is saying my friend will follow me to my grave! So what if she is the one who caused this accident? I love her yah!”
I passed a car in which the husband was busy yelling into his cell, but noticed that his wife was looking down at her lap with a serene smile. “Its on vibrator mode,” she whispered, “ and every time it rings, I feel tingly all over and my husband doesn’t even know, he’s so busy with his friend and my friend is so busy with me. Oh I have goose pimples all over, oooh..!”
Knowing that mobile phones were now coming with a hundred new accessories I wandered over to a phone shop and was greeted by a pleasant looking sales girl. “You look a little lost and oh so lonely,” she said in a husky voice, “we have just the phone for you. How do you like her?” I looked at the instrument a little puzzled. “Ah she’s already taken a liking for you,” she said as the strains of Love Story burst from her mobile lips. I shook my head. “Have a look at this sir, it takes pictures!” she winked, “You know what I mean? Okay you don’t want pictures, so this sends email, it keeps you in touch with everybody all the time! You know something sir, this is a phone you can’t do without..!” “Yes I know,” I thought as I reached out hungrily, “She’s man’s new lover..!”
—Email: bobsbanter@gmail.com
More and more am I seeing such behaviour, phones becoming man’s passion, sometimes taking the place of a lover as she quietly and reassuringly nestles in palms, nuzzles clandestinely in pockets or comfortingly caresses the ear, giving the bearer a wonderful sense of security, belonging and love! “I am confident my cellmate will never ever leave me and run off with another man,” cried a dumped dude as he glanced adoringly at his sleek and curvy mobile which dressed in a passionate red stared seductively back at him.
“I know that I need never feel shy again,” SMS’d a computer programmer to me as he lovingly peered at his phone. “It used to be terrible before, when I left the sanctuary of my computer kingdom and ventured into the cruel talking, jabbering, babbling world of articulate human beings outside, but now with my darling constantly by my side, I can continue to chat and message and communicate with everyone without uttering a word!”
The middle-aged businessman in the hospital was even more expressive and articulate in his feelings. “What pleasure it was holding my little friend and driving. Very possessive she is! Not allowing me to look for pothole, no honking at pedestrians, no stopping for red lights, arrey what relief not to concentrate on stupid driver in front or rascal behind. Driving with my lover, what pleasure man, really such pleasure, and the miles just go by. Even now in hospital, she is near me all the time. Only thing, with eye bandages I cannot see her but I can hear her mischievous beep. Doctor is saying my friend will follow me to my grave! So what if she is the one who caused this accident? I love her yah!”
I passed a car in which the husband was busy yelling into his cell, but noticed that his wife was looking down at her lap with a serene smile. “Its on vibrator mode,” she whispered, “ and every time it rings, I feel tingly all over and my husband doesn’t even know, he’s so busy with his friend and my friend is so busy with me. Oh I have goose pimples all over, oooh..!”
Knowing that mobile phones were now coming with a hundred new accessories I wandered over to a phone shop and was greeted by a pleasant looking sales girl. “You look a little lost and oh so lonely,” she said in a husky voice, “we have just the phone for you. How do you like her?” I looked at the instrument a little puzzled. “Ah she’s already taken a liking for you,” she said as the strains of Love Story burst from her mobile lips. I shook my head. “Have a look at this sir, it takes pictures!” she winked, “You know what I mean? Okay you don’t want pictures, so this sends email, it keeps you in touch with everybody all the time! You know something sir, this is a phone you can’t do without..!” “Yes I know,” I thought as I reached out hungrily, “She’s man’s new lover..!”
—Email: bobsbanter@gmail.com
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