New guidelines for selection.!
Rumour has it that they want a greater say in the selection process, with playing abilities not being the only criteria: “We are paying the cricketers more than the board does and yet they want to hog the whole selection process themselves..!” said a senior vice president of a soft drink firm. “We have suggested to the board that there should be at least a fifty per cent representation from us sponsors.”
“Don’t you think the selectors know the game much better than you guys?” I asked. “They know nothing,” said the vice president, “they pick all the wrong fellows and we have to spend lakhs on training. Even after that they are terrible. Take Sachin.” “What about Sachin?” I asked. “Knew nothing when he was first selected,”
“What are you saying?” I asked angrily. “Sachin was a genius from day one.” “We have footage with us. Sachin at the beginning of his career and Sachin now. Have a look at it and judge for yourself. Instead of Sachin we would have picked Jadeja.” “Jadeja is banned,” I shouted. “By whom?” asked the vice president. “The board,” I said. “See, that’s what I mean. If they’d asked us, we would have all voted on retaining him. He was a natural.”“Natural at cheating,” I said bitterly.
“What style, what ease, what grace, that man would have been a star.” “And what d’you think of the present team?” I asked. “They’ll need a lot of training... a lot of training,” said the vice president sadly.
“We are looking critically at Rahul Dravid, but he will have to ease up a bit to deliver. He is too stiff round the shoulders. He needs to loosen up.” “He’s known as the wall,” I said stubbornly. “Yes, yes,” said the vice president impatiently, “but we prefer elastic flexibility to cement concrete rigidity.” “Have you talked to the selectors about being included in the selection process?” I asked. “Yes we did,” said the vice president gloomily. “And what did the board say?” I asked.
“They threw us out of the board room,” said the VP angrily, “but we’ll make them pay for it.” “Will you start a Packers Rebel team?” I asked excitedly. “Yes, we will be doing that,” said the vice president.
“We will have a totally different selection process. Height, looks, personality, hairstyle, dress sense, all these will be important criteria..!” “What about batting, bowling skills?”
“What?” asked the vice president of the soft drink company. “Fielding, and catching the ball?” “What do you think we want them to do? Play cricket?”