Indian cricket madness..!
Robert Clements
Front pages of newspapers! Headlines in tabloids! Breaking news on TV
channels! Magazine cover pictures! All have only one topic: Cricket!
India is mesmerized, hypnotized and in a trance!
“Wake up madam, the prices of everything’s going through the roof! Do
you have food enough to feed your family?”
“Is Tendulkar playing? If he doesn’t play it’s the downfall of Mumbai
Indians! I have a good homeopath in Girgaum who will cure his groin
injury! Please play Sachin! Please play! I will even massage your leg
after my little baba has gone to school!”
“Sir! There is a market crash! Have you lost all your savings?” “How
long has Harbhajan being banned for? Just because that Sreesanth sissy
fellow wept on the field our Bhajji has been penalized! Not fair! Not
fair!”
“Colonel sahib the Chinese are infiltrating India they have just crossed
into Arunachal Pradesh!” “Imagine the audacity of Warne, criticizing our
Ganguly! Bring that Warne here and we will have him court-martialed and
shot! These foreigners come to India, are paid from our funds and then
fight against our own players! Soldiers get ready for battle we will
fight this Shane Warne to the bitter end!”
“MPji Parliament is in session! Aren’t you going inside?” “Speakerji I
demand that a wide TV screen be installed inside the House! I demand
that we stand up in solemn respect every time an Indian batsman hits a
six and garland the MP whose team from his home state is winning! And
Speakerji…!”
“There are riots in your constituency MPji! The landless are fighting
the landlords!” “I demand eighty per cent reservations in cricket
stadiums for locals, so that the Sons of the Pitches can see their
heroes score! Also…”
“Also what MPji?” “All cheerleaders should be from home state, with
hundred percent reservation for our mothers and grandmothers!”
Like I said India seems to be caught in a cricket frenzy! In the offices
of newspapers the Political editor, his colleague the Features editor
and all other journos who make up a paper sit idle.
“You can go home,” says the Editor- in- Chief to all of them. “But that
editor is not going home sir!”
“He can’t go home! He’s the Sports Editor! He has to fill up every page
in the newspaper. What are you writing on Mr Sports editor?” “Hockey
sir!”
“You’re fired! And you, yes you start writing a column on cricket!” “But
I’m the political correspondent!” “You want your job? Write on
cricket..!”
And on the cricket field, Dhoni looks behind his back and whispers to
Sachin, “d’ you get the strange feeling we are being watched?”
“Yes,” says Sachin quietly, “by a billion people who’ve forgotten to do
anything else..!”
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